Two very funny political bits of insanity occurred this weekend. Both were vastly different in their content, while both were vastly similar in their perfidy.

Freaky Political Action Number One: under President Clinton the United States economy boomed in a show of health and prosperity that had not been seen in decades. Unemployment decreased, the national debt was erased, and the treasury was replenished. Along came "President" Bush, who depleted the treasury, created a huge national debt, and then did nothing when unemployment increased. Bush's chief financial advisor had been sharply and emphatically criticizing Bush's economic policies, to the White House and to the media.

Finally Bush, feeling political pressure (rather than moral or ethical pressure), decided that Something Must Be Done. Rather than listen to his chief economic advisor, Bush fired him. Also fired was the Treasurer. The "reasoning" behind this is that the advisor's criticism was depressing the stock markets; remove the criticism, and the economy will improve.

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. One can see why he's "president," given such insight and genius. I have no doubt whatsoever that consumer confidence in the stock market will be restored, now that Bush has replaced his honest advisor with a "yes-man" who bears no ill tidings.

Freaky Political Action Number Two: Iraqi President and previous American collaborator Saddam Hussein issued an apology to the country of Kuwait, saying he was sorry for invading the country, shooting, blasting and gassing its citizens to death, raping its women and girls, and butchering its children like sheep for a barbecue. Well now, that's good to hear. Very nice of him to apologize: it makes it all better now. No harm done. Bygones and all that: now we can all be pals again.

Hussein wants Kuwait to refuse America access to Kuwait's airfields. These airfields will be used by Bush to slaughter Iraqis in the coming one-sided turkey shoot ("war"). For some odd reason, Kuwait "does not accept" the apology. Golly, I cannot imagine why not.

These two political inanities show how public coercion, to control the bewildered herd, is vastly more important than reason, ethics, morality, sanity, national health, and the welfare of the citizenry. It allows the "leaders" of a country to fiddle while cities burn: give the stupid herd a good floorshow, and maybe the herd won't notice the roof is on fire.

Bush and Hussein are not to blame for this: American and Iraqi citizens are.

For the United States, my proposals follow below. This, it is my hope, will result in a citizenry who will be too intelligent, educated, and informed to allow such morons as George Bush be "President."

1) Abolish political parties. Only morons, lacking the ability to discern right from wrong and truth from falsehoods, will vote "along party lines" or for "party members." Voting with the herd is not just stupid, it is also dangerous: it results in mob mentality, where the bewildered herd dictates who lives well and who lives in misery and grief. Is there anything more insidiously profane as to vote for a Democrat or Republican as Senator solely because the would-be Senator is Democrat or Republican? That is not Democracy; that is not participating in one's own government; that is not taking control of one's own life: that's brainless, robotic repudiation of liberty, reason, and self-government. How very contemptible such a person is! Such a voter may as well have her or his higher brain functions surgically removed.

2) All elected government officials are to be paid a living wage, and no more. Contributions, "gifts," speaking fees, and donations are to be illegal.

3) The White House is to be vacated by all politicians, and turned into a museum. Henceforth the First Family will move into simple, humble living quarters.

4) The living arrangements in Directive Three above shall apply to all city mayors, state governors, and associated officials.

5) Every ballot in every Federal, States, and Local election shall include for every office the selection "NONE OF THE ABOVE" for voters to chose. If NONE OF THE ABOVE receives the greatest number of votes, every candidate on that ballot will be removed from the ballot, and a new election for that position will take place.

6) Anyone who has produced four or more children may not vote and may not run for public office.

7) Competency tests shall be given to all potential school board members, and members of Boards of Education. This test shall include questions on basic physics, astronomy, geology, evolution, mechanics, and civics. The test shall comprise 300 randomly selected questions from a body of more than fifteen thousand questions.

8) All high schools, both public and private, shall require each graduate to take and pass the same test as in Directive Seven above.

9) Tax-exemption status for churches (and commercial enterprises that claim to be churches) shall be revoked.

10) The FTC shall be forced to do the job it is being paid to do. All fraudulent advertising shall be prosecuted and the perpetrators put in prison. This includes, but is not limited to, people who promote and / or accept money for: "psychic readings," "free energy," "spiritual healing," astrology, dowsing, and other fraudulent claims.

11) The FDA shall be forced to do the job it is being paid to do. Manufacturers and marketers of fraudulent, worthless, and / or dangerous products are to be prosecuted and the perpetrators put in prison. For example, chiropractors are to be prosecuted and put in prison. Another example: manufacturers of "herbal diet pills."

12) In public schools, the sciences, the humanities, and the arts are to be stressed. Sport activities (such as, but not limited to, baseball, basketball, football, soccer, swimming, tennis, hockey) are not allowed.

13) All high schools, both public and private, are to teach critical thinking skills. This course shall include, but not be limited to, instruction in formal logic.

14) Every public and private school teacher, in every grade, shall take the same course as in Directive Thirteen.

15) All corporate sponsorship in public schools shall cease. This includes advertising.

16) The Federal government shall fund and sponsor the higher education for the top 2% academic achievers in high school and college.

17) Any public school teacher who violates religious neutrality shall be prosecuted and sent to prison.

18) Directive Seventeen also applies to school boards and Boards of Education.

19) Girls in both public and private high schools are to be taught armed and unarmed self-defense.

20) Selling and / or growing tobacco shall be illegal.